Dear Graduate Schools,

I’m writing this as a conciliatory note, so that we might be friends going forward. I am not mad about your rebuttals. Oh no…there is no reason to have hard feelings. In fact, I’m just delighted that I got to know you, if only for a fleeting moment. It was very enjoyable visiting your nice, clean learning environs – getting to know the other students and professors that I might have come to know.

I suppose there is a part of me that wants to understand. What went wrong between us? We were getting along so great. Did I not name-drop or use the word “leverage” enough those times we met? I certainly tried to be intelligent and pleasantly affable…but where did I go wrong?

No matter, I’m sure we’ll both go on to bigger and better things. Me, especially. Yes, believe it or not, I know you will be disappointed to know, but it’s not so much that you shut me out, but that I had already decided we were not for each other. You see…you didn’t make my cut. I will not be seduced by your green LEED certified buildings or perfect looking…whatever. I don’t need your group-thinking, cardigan wearing , polo shirt dawning student body. In fact I’m taking back all of the cardigans I bought last month at Gap and J. Crew. Seriously…how do you like me now!

Unlike your crisp, perfect business suits and case studies I have something that is not so easily put in a box – a brain. I am actually smart enough to coherently write an incoherent letter. Try that out in your writing for business management class! It’s called being a free thinker, dude! Yeah, I’m start my own school! It’ll be called the school of Rock!...wait that’s already been taken…and made into a movie. Well, I’m going to think of something to call it, and we won’t have environmentally friendly facilities, or teachers with German accents, or cardigans. And when we call for applications, we might let you apply.

So it’s been good writing to you grad schools. I’m glad we can both put this behind us. Check ya later,

Blake

p.s. To any graduate school recruiters that find this in a random Google search: This is obviously a satirical work. Don’t take it that seriously.

p.s.s. That first postscript was written to be funny.

p.s.s.s. If you are still confused refer to my first post script.